I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
