Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
