Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
