WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
