forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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