so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
