my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
