Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
