i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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