She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
