my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My cat gives me a boner
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
