No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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