I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She announced her abortion via fbk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
