i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
