Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i will never coherently bang her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
