the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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