i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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