i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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