Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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