hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
