her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
