I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
