Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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