my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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