I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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