Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
