He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
