five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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