tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
