quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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