I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
