i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
