if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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