I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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