I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
