we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
