Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
