I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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