the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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