Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
