I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
