so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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