Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
