How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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