I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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