I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
