You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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