trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
