She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
