No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
