Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
