Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
