32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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