She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
