Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How external is "for external use only"?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
