What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
