They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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