I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
