Dual....:-)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
